Rushing Grief

Approximately half of Americans are celebrating right now, and half are grieving. 

Celebration posts are easy to find. But what of those who are not celebrating? Already I've seen calls to move forward and to be honest, I struggle with the pace of those messages. While they may be easy proclaim when the author sides with the victor, or is ambivalent, or already in a personal place of peace, it is not so easy for those still reeling from the punching bag of the last few days.

In order to move from profound sadness and fear to acceptance, hope, and solid ground, sometimes we pass through a place of grief. And as we recall, there are stages in this process.

So, if you are (or someone you love is) stuck in the uncomfortable emotions of denial, bargaining, and anger, take a deep breath and know that this is normal.  It is okay to rest here for a moment.  

Once we acknowledge that this space is valid, we can consider ways to process our emotions and move to a happier disposition- both internally and eternally.

A few ideas on how to do this:

• Find a safe place to express your fears.  As Emily P. Freeman often says: "name the unnamed things within you." The things you are afraid to say outloud or in most circles, but still need to process.
• Consider what is not lost. Recall what is present, what is good, what offers joy and peace in this moment.
• Take some time alone to center your thoughts
• Listen to music or read poetry that reflects your mood.
• Enjoy a hot cup of coffee or tea and visit another world, travel to Middle Earth or Downton Abbey or perhaps a galaxy far far away.
• Take a long walk in nature. Listen to the birds.  Feel the sun and the breeze. 
• Pray for comfort and peace

Whatever your feelings today- may you have joy in your gladness and hope in any sadness. And peace that settles deep.

Photo by Lukasz Szmigiel on Unsplash

Words by Kristen

Election Day

 Today will be hard.

By its close, some of us will breathe great sighs of relief. Inhale hope that tomorrow, American will be brighter.  

Some will mourn, draw the blinds, fear their neighbor, and wonder if America still feels like home.  

I do not know which camp I will be in. Which one you will either. 

For if this election has taught me anything, it’s that wise and kind people can disagree on what is right for America. What is true. Who is most likely to report facts vs fiction. 

Have some of us been misled along our pathway to the voting box? Given to believe a false narrative? Perhaps in this situation, we all have to a degree. 

So I leave this reminder.  As the future sharpens for the 2021 presidency, may we remember this this truth stated by James Bryan Smith:  "I am one in whom Christ dwells and delights. I live in the strong and unshakable kingdom of God. The kingdom is not in trouble. And neither am I. 

May God bless America, stand beside her. And guide her. Through the night with the light from above. 

#Adulting- A Tale of Two Values

I've been thinking recently about the unexpected challenges of being an adult. Not the everyday conundroms of meal planning and laundry piles, but the mental weight of decisions and how to make the best ones for your family.  #Adulting is a current blog series, featuring my ponderings on this topic.

Today's post-  #Adulting-A Tale of Two Values

I realized recently that one of the complicated aspects of being an adult- for me at least- as realizing that you can have conflicting values. Both can be good. Both can be embedded deeply in who you are and what you value, but this fact does not stop them from conflicting.

Here is a simple example. I value time and connection with my immediate family. And I value time and connection with my friends and extended family.  Before our daughter arrived, I would on occasion, travel on my own to visit family or friends.  It was always so hard to leave my husband at the airport. I was glad for the quality time once I arrived at my destination, but the leaving was hard.

Another example.  I appreciate a clean and clutter-lite home. And I want want to sit with my daughter and read books and spend quality time together.  Sometimes I can't do both.  It's not wrong to want to pick up the living room.  And it's not wrong to leave it full of toys and have a tea party with my baby.

As an adult, it seems like we should be able to figure this out better. Prioritize our values and feel good about our decisions.  But sometimes....it's just messy.  Yes, we can often do better, learn more, make simple decisions that make life easier.  (For more on this check out the Lazy Genus Podcast. Kendra is gifted at helping you naming what matters and then offering routines that support what matters to you.)  

But for all the planning, and mission statement writing, and good intentions- sometimes two values conflict. And you have to make a choice which to pursue in that moment.

Perhaps this is why we are called to walk with God. Not just to understand right from wrong, truth from error, but also to seek His wisdom on everyday life. To receive guidance in moments when a decision is required...but the answer is not obvious. 

I'm still learning how to be myself as an adult and a parent, but I'm grateful I'm not learning alone!

For my friends reading this- have you found this to be true?  I would love to hear where you have felt two values conflict and if you have found a way to make peace with this.

As we move into a new week, may we have clear sight of what matters. And may our pathway be lit with gleaming light.  

Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

Strange Times

We are living in strange times. The parking lot next to my favorite Starbucks is empty. Even the drive through is closed. The news is packed with details on a virus that just a few months ago, was unnamed. In our news feed we see statistics, grim updates on the progression of the virus, and reminder after creative reminder to wash our hands.

And yet, despite the seeming end of the world as we know it (or at least it's pause), outside my window a cardinal lands to feed at our feeder. The flowers bloom and grow. The sun rises and sets in a stunning display of color. 

And inside my window, perhaps yours too, life goes on. We rise in the morning. We pull out dishes from the cupboard to feed our families, washing them, returning them, grateful that we have food to eat together. We work, we teach, we learn, we pray, we continue living. And at night we return to our pillows, grateful for the simple rhythms that still exist, hopeful that tomorrow will bring good news. 

We are always living history, but how much more so right now. We have entered another culture-defining-era, and I think it very possible that our nation will emerge, changed. 

How, I’m not sure. I'm not sure what the white papers will say about us in years to come if the world remains that long. How our generation will be shaped, informed by this season, granted wisdom perhaps.

But for now, as we watch, as we read, as we wait, let’s unite in prayer for God’s individual guidance and protection over those we love, and His collective healing of our land.

Photo by Richard Gatley on Unsplash

A Glimpse of Love at Seventy

Today I slid into yoga class a few minutes late.  I squeezed my mat next to an elderly couple, who were sitting close together, leaving a bit of extra room.

As the class progressed, I noticed the man was coaching his wife, helping her place her block, explaining some of the moves to her.  She was frail and thin, but trying.

I don't know their story, but it looked to me like a man who is trying to help his wife gain back some of her health and improve her strength.  And if that means he too attends yoga class, then so be it.

Love, I imagine, finds different expressions at seventy than at thirty.

While flowers, and chocolate, and surprise tropical vacations are almost always welcomed.  How much more the every day kindness that we show.

The willingness to help one another accomplish more than we could alone.

Here's to loving well.  Whether it's that first year of marriage where everything is new, after kids when compromise takes on a new meaning, or in the senior years, when love might look like driving your spouse to yoga.

Photo by Valentin Antonucci on Unsplash

Choose your practice

One of the things that I love about yoga is the ability to choose your own practice.

Many forms of exercise require pushing yourself, stretching your limits, going above and beyond.

Yoga takes a different approach, instead inviting you to honor your body, to pay attention to how you feel today, and what kind of movement would benefit you in that moment.

Perhaps today is the day you want to deepen your stretch, to attempt a handstand, to hold plank for thirty seconds.  Or perhaps today you need to take a longer child's pose, to move out of downward dog before the class, or stretch less on your right side than your left.

It's all allowed. You choose your practice.

And the instructor doesn't say a word.

While some people may prefer being pushed, and appreciate an instructor who will challenge them to work harder, reach further. Others prefer to be treated as someone who know already knows their limits and their intentions.

Maybe that makes it easier to come to the mat.  Because you can tell the truth with who you are, and who you hope to be.  You can leave your practice a little calmer, a little lighter, and with a stronger core.

So here's to choosing our practice.  May we be willing to know where we are, and hopeful to move with intention to where we wish to be.

Photo by Simon Rae on Unsplash

When does it get easier?

As a new mom, I often wondered, when will it get easier?  Translation:  When will life feel a little more like it did before this wonderful little person entered our world?

I found it was a journey- one we are still on of course.  But I thought I would share a few of our milestones as reflection on our Year One story and also an encouragement to other new moms walking this same beautiful sleepy road.

• When your hormones even out- for me around 6-8 weeks.
• When your baby starts to smile (around 5 weeks) and coo!!! (around 10 weeks)
• When you can carry your baby on your hip.  (I don't remember this timeline...but after they can hold their head up.)
• When you can set them on a blanket for 5 minutes while you make coffee and they are entertained by a book or toy.
• When their personality shines through and you realize they are a little person!
• When they can eat puffs and Cherrios! (8 months) This makes going out to eat so much better!
• When they can eat from your plate!  (9-12 months and counting.)
• When they start talking/pointing and you understand better what interests them and what they want in the moment.  (Around 11-12 months)
• When they have a schedule- somewhat.  For us this was all over the place for a long time.  I might have tried to have a routine.....but she wanted to eat about every two hours and naps where random. As her daycare provider says "No-one makes Ellarose take a nap!" But sometime around 6-8 months we got a general schedule of naps and feedings and bedtime.  
• When bedtime is between 7:30 and 8:00.  (Around 10 months.)  This really helps with chores and also time with your spouse!

For other moms- what milestones made life a little easier and more enjoyable with your sweet little ones?

Happy New Year!