Balancing

“She’s only this little once.”  Wise words from my Dad, her Papa.

It’s true, of course.  Her tiny fingers. Wispy eyelashes. Perfect heart shaped face, they will grow.

Part of me looks with hope to longer stretches of sleep, more smiles, interactive play, tea parties. Part of me just wants to hold her close and treasure her baby face.

There is a new balancing act I am learning.  The balance between chores that must get done: bottles washed, clothes cleaned, food prepared. And observing her.  Learning her. Pausing for an extra smile.

It’s easy to tell new moms to let housework go.  But what does that really mean?  Using only disposable dishes?  Buying new clothes instead of washing them?  Uber eats every night?

Perhaps sometimes. But I suspect it’s a learned balancing skill.  When to be an adult. And when to pause and enjoy her cuddles and hold her for two hour naps. Because my dad is right. She will never be this little again.

Called but not qualified

I’ve worked in several different  jobs in my career. Some felt intimidating at first. There’s a learning curve. New people to interact with. New data to grow expertise around. New processes to implement. The new can be both exciting and daunting.

But never have I felt so unqualified for a critical task as being a new mom. We don’t typically spend 18 years at school preparing for parenthood. There are no midterm exams to study for. At best, most new parents are armed with knowledge from a few books that they don’t yet understand and some parenting classes from the local hospital.

Then suddenly miraculously, a new life is born. And you are in love and you are overwhelmed.  There is so much responsibility. So many questions. So many diapers.

Today is first day alone with my daughter. I look at her sweet face and think: what exactly do I do with you all day? How do I help you nap when you’re supposed to and eat the right amount? What kind of play will interest you? How do I learn your cues so I can help you be happy?

I imagine in a few weeks, months, years, I will look back on this time and wonder why I was so worried, thanks to the perspective that comes from time and wisdom.

For now, I must trust that God will qualify those he calls.

Before I can be your friend, I have to change your diaper

This may be true of all kids, but our newborn daughter hates having her diaper changed. She has screamed for approximately 90% of her diaper changes. Given we go through 8 or 9 diapers a day, that’s a lot of unhappy experiences. But as a responsible adult, and now a parent, I have to decide to do things for her own good, even if she hates it.

This a learning curve for me. I’m used to dealing with adults. And not all tasks we perform are fun, people don't typically scream at me for asking for help with a spreadsheet or the dishes.

It’s been a long time since a cooperative and friendly leadership style has not been effective for me. But in this relationship we are dictators. Rulers of our home, enforcing decisions on our little one. Why? Because she doesn’t know better.  She doesn't understand that without a diaper change, she would have a rash. That without changing clothes and having a bath, she would feel less comfortable.  That naps are necessary. She knows that she’s hungry and tired and needs to be loved. How to accomplish those objectives, well, she's still learning.

Then again, so are we.