When does it get easier?

As a new mom, I often wondered, when will it get easier?  Translation:  When will life feel a little more like it did before this wonderful little person entered our world?

I found it was a journey- one we are still on of course.  But I thought I would share a few of our milestones as reflection on our Year One story and also an encouragement to other new moms walking this same beautiful sleepy road.

• When your hormones even out- for me around 6-8 weeks.
• When your baby starts to smile (around 5 weeks) and coo!!! (around 10 weeks)
• When you can carry your baby on your hip.  (I don't remember this timeline...but after they can hold their head up.)
• When you can set them on a blanket for 5 minutes while you make coffee and they are entertained by a book or toy.
• When their personality shines through and you realize they are a little person!
• When they can eat puffs and Cherrios! (8 months) This makes going out to eat so much better!
• When they can eat from your plate!  (9-12 months and counting.)
• When they start talking/pointing and you understand better what interests them and what they want in the moment.  (Around 11-12 months)
• When they have a schedule- somewhat.  For us this was all over the place for a long time.  I might have tried to have a routine.....but she wanted to eat about every two hours and naps where random. As her daycare provider says "No-one makes Ellarose take a nap!" But sometime around 6-8 months we got a general schedule of naps and feedings and bedtime.  
• When bedtime is between 7:30 and 8:00.  (Around 10 months.)  This really helps with chores and also time with your spouse!

For other moms- what milestones made life a little easier and more enjoyable with your sweet little ones?

Happy New Year!

Balancing

“She’s only this little once.”  Wise words from my Dad, her Papa.

It’s true, of course.  Her tiny fingers. Wispy eyelashes. Perfect heart shaped face, they will grow.

Part of me looks with hope to longer stretches of sleep, more smiles, interactive play, tea parties. Part of me just wants to hold her close and treasure her baby face.

There is a new balancing act I am learning.  The balance between chores that must get done: bottles washed, clothes cleaned, food prepared. And observing her.  Learning her. Pausing for an extra smile.

It’s easy to tell new moms to let housework go.  But what does that really mean?  Using only disposable dishes?  Buying new clothes instead of washing them?  Uber eats every night?

Perhaps sometimes. But I suspect it’s a learned balancing skill.  When to be an adult. And when to pause and enjoy her cuddles and hold her for two hour naps. Because my dad is right. She will never be this little again.

Called but not qualified

I’ve worked in several different  jobs in my career. Some felt intimidating at first. There’s a learning curve. New people to interact with. New data to grow expertise around. New processes to implement. The new can be both exciting and daunting.

But never have I felt so unqualified for a critical task as being a new mom. We don’t typically spend 18 years at school preparing for parenthood. There are no midterm exams to study for. At best, most new parents are armed with knowledge from a few books that they don’t yet understand and some parenting classes from the local hospital.

Then suddenly miraculously, a new life is born. And you are in love and you are overwhelmed.  There is so much responsibility. So many questions. So many diapers.

Today is first day alone with my daughter. I look at her sweet face and think: what exactly do I do with you all day? How do I help you nap when you’re supposed to and eat the right amount? What kind of play will interest you? How do I learn your cues so I can help you be happy?

I imagine in a few weeks, months, years, I will look back on this time and wonder why I was so worried, thanks to the perspective that comes from time and wisdom.

For now, I must trust that God will qualify those he calls.

Before I can be your friend, I have to change your diaper

This may be true of all kids, but our newborn daughter hates having her diaper changed. She has screamed for approximately 90% of her diaper changes. Given we go through 8 or 9 diapers a day, that’s a lot of unhappy experiences. But as a responsible adult, and now a parent, I have to decide to do things for her own good, even if she hates it.

This a learning curve for me. I’m used to dealing with adults. And not all tasks we perform are fun, people don't typically scream at me for asking for help with a spreadsheet or the dishes.

It’s been a long time since a cooperative and friendly leadership style has not been effective for me. But in this relationship we are dictators. Rulers of our home, enforcing decisions on our little one. Why? Because she doesn’t know better.  She doesn't understand that without a diaper change, she would have a rash. That without changing clothes and having a bath, she would feel less comfortable.  That naps are necessary. She knows that she’s hungry and tired and needs to be loved. How to accomplish those objectives, well, she's still learning.

Then again, so are we.